My Constant Struggle

I wrote this back on 6/3/11


For the last 18 years I have been struggling with a chemical in-balance (Depression), I have had to go on and off meds over and over again and I struggle each and every time, most of the time I can handle it, this time around it was really hard for me. My blood work showed my Serotonin levels were extremely low, but I have never been happier in my life, I couldn't understand it or grasp it, I had to pray about it REALLY hard, cuz even though my brain is showing me in a state of Depression, I'm no where near being depressed, I'm happier than I have ever been in my life. I could see the signs I was just trying not to think about them, I have been getting more and more headaches and my weight has been going up and down, I recognize the signs, I just didn't want to pay attention to them, Im lucky enough to have an amazing support system in my life right now that helped me make the right decision. This is really personal for me, but I needed to share it cuz I know that there are people out there who suffer from a chemical in-balance and refuse to get help, but its like any other disease, if you had diabetes you would take insulin, if you had blood pressure issues you would take blood pressure meds, this is nothing different. When my doctor told me my results and that I needed to go back on meds, I was totally bummed, I got emotional, I got angry, I questioned God, I was really struggling with the idea of going back on meds, I talked to those close to me and then I had to sit still, PRAY and PRAY some more, then I got to my desk and there was an email from a girl who is struggling with the same thing, she knew I was a BB Coach and she wanted to know how she can deal with her depression and still manage to get her health and fitness routine going, when I read the email I started crying, talk about answered prayers. We have an amazing GOD, and if my situation can help 1 person make better choices, then its totally worth the ride, as soon as I finished reading the email I called my doctor and said call in the meds to the pharmacy. I know God will use this/Me to help others and that is whats in my heart, the reason I became a BB Coach, because at the end of the day there is nothing more rewarding than helping someone achieve their goals, no matter what they may be. I love helping people its who I am, its how I'm built. I hope that by me sharing my story other people will come to terms with their situation and get the help that they need. You CAN live with depression, manage it, get through it and succeed...

I am on day 3 of my meds, headaches are almost gone, paying extra careful attention to what I eat, and talking about things with my man (Joe Acord), my fams and close friends. This might of started out as a bump on my path but I know God will turn it into a blessing...

6/3/11